Portage la Prairie Family Replaces Jesus With Stephen Harper Joy Ryder October 10, 2015 All Stories, As if... ELECTION 2015 The Tickle family of Portage la Prairie, Manitoba has turned cursing from blaspheme into a political statement unconfirmed, unreliable, fictional sources claim . “We were just about at our wits end trying to get the kids, and their dad to stop using The Lord’s Name in vain, “ Tess Tickle explained. “One night we were watching the news and Dick started yelling at the TV because he was mad at the Prime Minister. Our three-year-old spilled his milk and yelled, ‘Stephen Harper!’ I guess that’s when the light went on.” Shortly after, the Tickles called a family meeting and decided to start using “Stephen Harper” when they felt angry, frustrated or shocked. “It just made sense,” Dick Tickle offered. “Using Stephen Harper’s name as a curse is just more relevant nowadays. After just a few days it started rolling off the tongue. We had meatloaf the other day and our teenager said, ‘aaahh Stephen Harper, why do we have to eat that crap again?’” Today, with fewer people going to church and more people growing frustrated with the government the change in cursing seems inevitable. Many Portage la Prairians no longer see God as the source of their angst but prefer to blame their plight on the current Prime Minister, Stephen Harper. It may seem ironic that a family who has taken up the Conservative leader’s name as a curse plans to continue to vote for the party. “Oh we’ll be voting conservative again like most people around here. It’s not that I think they are doing a good job I just want to keep the kids using Stephen Harper’s name to swear. It’s starting to catch on around here,” Tickle said. The Hoop and Holler did a quick man-on-the-street poll and confirmed the use of Stephen Harper as a curse was taking Portage by storm. “Sweet Stephen Murphy that guy is ugly,” Lou Sass said outside the Tim Hortons. “Stephen Harper that coffee is hot!” Sass yelled spilling coffee on his hand. “I’ll tell ya something, these Stephen Harper roads are something,” Portage la Prairian and trucker Moe Lester said. “Stephen Harper, my boss is an idiot,” Lester added. Stephen Harper has been heard when things have turned sour at the rink and on the football field. Most people have embraced the new curse as it seems to be the ultimate inoffensive curse phrase. “I can get my religious aunt off my case now,” Tickle said. “She would always wag her finger if I dropped a J.C. or a mother lover. But no one cares how loud you yell Stephen Harper. We all blame him for everything anyway. Even if the ice fishing sucks we blame Stephen Harper. Or when it’s too hot or too windy we just say, ‘Stephen Harper it’s a shitty day out!” Several Portage residents have successfully substituted the “Mother #@%&er” curse term for Stephen Harper. Having the same number of syllables makes it an easy transition and teachers throughout the Portage School Division have welcomed the change. “I prefer hearing ‘That test was a real Stephen Harper’ over the previous choice of diction,” teacher Ilene Dover said. “Hearing students calling each other Stephen Harper is so refreshing. Positive name calling may subconsciously lead some of our students to the world of political leadership or pyschopathy.” The city of possibilities has shown how it can take a small idea to bring change to the broader world. Leave a Reply Cancel ReplyYour email address will not be published.CommentName* Email* Website Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Notify me of new posts by email.