Portage la Prairie, MB  – A new financial institution is setting up shop promising to reward people who owe money and charge those with money  in the bank.

The newly formed, Financial Union of Portage will launch later this month with plans to be a market leader in Canada by brining consumers negative interest rates.  Already in use in countries like Sweden and Switzerland and hinted at by The Bank of Canada, negative interest rates look to revolutionize the financial industry and F.U. Portage wants to be at the leading edge.

“More and more Canadians are growing their debt,” F.U. Portage President, Ella Fino said.  “We think we have a product that will be very attractive to most people.”

Offering negative interest rates, the new institution will allow those in debt to get a needed break.

“We think we have a solution to the cycle of debt,” Fino said.  “We want to turn the lending system on its head.  Now those in debt will see a payment each month for the moneys they owe.  Instead of owing more they will actually owe less.”

Rewarding those putting money back into the economy is the aim of the negative interest initiative.  Costumers will get paid up to 1.5% on the money they borrow while other customers will pay 1.5% to keep their money in the bank.

“The economy has stalled and this will help.  People will now be able to get further ahead by going further into debt.  Portage la Prairians will be the first to be able to buy a bigger home, nicer car or go on lavish vacations and not worry about how they will pay it back.  The more debt they pile up the more money they’ll get paid,” Fino said.

“Those who already have a lot of money saved up will be the ones getting charged 1.5%.  It makes way more sense to have those who can afford to pay interest pay it.  It’s time to reward the spenders because they are the drivers to the economy.”

Portage la Prairie will be the first community in Canada to experiment with the new negative interest rate idea that has caught on in some European countries.  “Portage was seen as the perfect place to start since it loves to entertain all manner of possibilities.  That and most of its citizens are up to their eyeballs in debt,” Fino offered.

F. U. Portage is hoping to get final government support in the coming days and will be opening its doors in the Portage la Prairie Mall shortly after.  With the Canadian government looking favourably at negative interest rates as a way to stimulate the economy, F.U. Portage  is confident it will clear all regulatory hurdles quickly.

“Once we are ready to go, F.U. Portage could become the next big bank in Canada within 10 years.”

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About The Author

Neil Downs

Is a reporter, music-lover, whistle-blower and handy-man? He is a life-long Portage la Prairian and comes to the Hoop and Holler after working at a local potato processor. Neil has been writing at night, in the dark, for over 30 years and has yet to have one word published.

We fell in love with Neil’s unique insights on local news and issues. Years of working in a factory setting has allowed him to refine his perspective and explore his conspiracy theories fully. He’ll be a welcome addition to our expanding editorial team. Neil has no friends or family left in the Portage area and feels increasingly isolated so let’s make sure to pass on a warm HnH welcome to him.

Now that Neil is writing for a living he will be wasting his free time writing Hollywood screenplays and fantasizing about becoming a successful playwright and winning the lottery. This combined with his natural paranoid state will fuel his general dissatisfaction and frustration with life causing him to withdraw from normal society completely. This will serve the HnH well as he will devote the rest of his days to covering the stories that matter the most to Portage la Prairie.

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