Portage Bank First In Canada To Reward Those In Debt Neil Downs December 11, 2016 All Stories, Anyways..., As if..., Business, Not Even 1 Comment Portage la Prairie, MB – A new financial institution is setting up shop promising to reward people who owe money and charge those with money in the bank. The newly formed, Financial Union of Portage will launch later this month with plans to be a market leader in Canada by brining consumers negative interest rates. Already in use in countries like Sweden and Switzerland and hinted at by The Bank of Canada, negative interest rates look to revolutionize the financial industry and F.U. Portage wants to be at the leading edge. “More and more Canadians are growing their debt,” F.U. Portage President, Ella Fino said. “We think we have a product that will be very attractive to most people.” Offering negative interest rates, the new institution will allow those in debt to get a needed break. “We think we have a solution to the cycle of debt,” Fino said. “We want to turn the lending system on its head. Now those in debt will see a payment each month for the moneys they owe. Instead of owing more they will actually owe less.” Rewarding those putting money back into the economy is the aim of the negative interest initiative. Costumers will get paid up to 1.5% on the money they borrow while other customers will pay 1.5% to keep their money in the bank. “The economy has stalled and this will help. People will now be able to get further ahead by going further into debt. Portage la Prairians will be the first to be able to buy a bigger home, nicer car or go on lavish vacations and not worry about how they will pay it back. The more debt they pile up the more money they’ll get paid,” Fino said. “Those who already have a lot of money saved up will be the ones getting charged 1.5%. It makes way more sense to have those who can afford to pay interest pay it. It’s time to reward the spenders because they are the drivers to the economy.” Portage la Prairie will be the first community in Canada to experiment with the new negative interest rate idea that has caught on in some European countries. “Portage was seen as the perfect place to start since it loves to entertain all manner of possibilities. That and most of its citizens are up to their eyeballs in debt,” Fino offered. F. U. Portage is hoping to get final government support in the coming days and will be opening its doors in the Portage la Prairie Mall shortly after. With the Canadian government looking favourably at negative interest rates as a way to stimulate the economy, F.U. Portage is confident it will clear all regulatory hurdles quickly. “Once we are ready to go, F.U. Portage could become the next big bank in Canada within 10 years.” Notice to readers: Please be advised that while Portage la Prairie is a real place, the content of this and other stories on this website are based on fiction and the imagination of childish humans. Some events, people and places may resemble reality but the fact remains the information is unreliable, lacking in credibility and truth. Some of this may seem real to some readers but more reasonable people will pick up on the humour and satire. Consumption of this and other stories may cause dizziness, dry mouth, facial blemishes, hives, and thin hair. Should you experience an erection lasting more than four hours please seek medical treatment. This corporation assumes no responsibility for your grasp on reality, ability to tolerate sarcasm, humour and mocking comments. In addition they assume no responsibility for any resulting effects from digesting the content in this and other posts relating to but not limited to the aforementioned website and ancillary media products and modes of transportation. Please read and discuss at your own risk and with great caution. Should you feel nauseous at any point while reading this content please glance away from the screen or leave the website, social media or print page and the feeling should pass. This offer is not valid with any other offer and carries no cash or other value not to mention merit. Drive safe and drink responsibly, always consume in moderation. We like cats and dogs. Never open your doors to strangers with weapons or offer rides to same. Please no parking without a permit. And yes, objects are larger than they appear in mirrors – unless the mirrors cause magnification in which case the object would be smaller in reality. Please consult a physician before working out. Call your mom. Stop picking at it. If it bleeds it leads. One Response Sandy Simpson December 13, 2016 This is great news! Just in time for Christmas! I’m going shopping! Reply Leave a Reply Cancel Reply Your email address will not be published.CommentName* Email* Website Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Notify me of new posts by email.