Portage la Prairie, MB –  After decades of enduring rumours of wealth and superiority the suburb of KoKo Platz has decided to go it alone.  “We are fed up with being accused of being rich, arrogant and better than everyone else,” said Mona Little, separatist organizer.  “We’ve been carrying the rest of this town for years.  Its time for us to say enough is enough.”

Despite the gap in average income and status being mostly mythical, residents of KoKo Platz seem ready to leave the rest of Portage la Prairie.  “I can’t count how many times I’ve given my address to have someone huff and roll their eyes.  They say things like, ‘it must be nice living in the ritzy part of town,’ or they call us the rich bitches,” complained Howie Dunar.

City Hall has been working hard for several years to persuade KoKo Platzers to stay.  Paths near the lake have been developed, roads paved and most recently exercise equipment installed but none of it has satisfied the militant group.

“We told the mayor last year we want a bridge from KoKo Platz to the island so we don’t have to drive into the other part of town,” said Little.  “What did they do?  Announce they are building a new bridge where we already have one!  Build what you want we are outta here.”

With KoKo Platz separation an almost certainty, the question for Portage is how will it survive without it’s strangely named, elitist enclave.  “I’m not sure what they are so upset about.  Most of us in the rest of town never go over there anyway,” offered north ender, Ricky Berginsky.  “If they work out a deal for us to skate at the outdoor rink I’d be fine with them separating.”

The bigger issue of what to do with the suburb of Mellenville when separation occurs is far from settled.  “We don’t want that wanna-be Mellenville joining us,” said Little.  “They are way too close to the sewage plant for our liking.  The average value of homes is way less and they still have ditches like a bunch of country bumpkins.”

Service agreements have yet to be worked out between the new municipality of KoKo Platz and the remainder of Portage la Prairie but officials are confident details can be worked out by early next year.  This would pave the way to full succession in less than six months.

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About The Author

Drew Peacock

Drew is a military kid who came to Portage in the late 80’s when his father came to CFB Southport. Since then Drew Peacock has graduated from Arthur Meighen High School and was his class valedictorian. After high school he almost graduated with honours from the University of Manitoba. He was just one credit short but never got around to finishing due to an active social life and interest in politics. Drew Peacock has worked for all major political parties as a vote enhancer, call centre dispatcher and fundraiser. Most recently Drew has been the local Chamber of Commerce President and editor of his own internet blog, “The Real Meaning of Politics," which can be found on the world-wide-web if you have a computer. Drew has been married to his wife Rose for 20 years and considers himself apolitical and asexual. Drew Peacock will be The Hoop and Holler’s new political editor and Vice President of distribution.

3 Responses

  1. Jerry Atrick

    This is the dumbest idea I’ve ever seen. Who do you think you are coming up with idea. You need to grow up and stop scaring people. People are scared to lose Koko Platz this is no joke. Families living in Portage will be ripped apart if you have your way with this idea. Please print a full retraction immediately and burn all references to the seperatists. Let’s just go for a walk along the lake as one.


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