City To Cash In On Naming Rights Deal TheHoopandHoller August 11, 2014 All Stories, As if..., Not Even 3 Comments Unconfirmed sources have made unsubstantiated claims the City of Portage la Prairie has struck a large naming rights deal with CBC to update the world’s largest can of Coca-Cola. This summer, Coke launched a marketing campaign where they printed people’s names on bottles and cans, to boost sales. The marketing department at The Hoop and Holler dot com jumped on the idea and approached City Hall to see if they could broker a deal on the naming rights for our very own big can of pop. After failing to finalize deals with Donald Trump, Jay-Z, and the estate of Michael Jackson, HnH marketers turned their attention to securing a Canadian icon for the can. After receiving rejections from Lloyd Robertson, Howie Mandel and Pamela Anderson they decided to approach the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation. While facing budget cuts and declining advertising revenue, the CBC quickly saw value in the innovative and economical promotional opportunity. “We did a quick search and noticed at least 88 people a year take a picture of the can. With those kind of numbers it was a no-brainer,” said a fabricated CBC representative. “And for crying out loud, it’s the world’s largest can of Coke and it’s in Canada! How much more Canadian can you get?” Originally, the CBC selected Jian Ghomeshi to promote on the can but HnH marketing staff grossly misspelled their first attempt on the can which soured Ghomeshi on the idea, leaving CBC to come up with a second choice just prior to them letting Ghomeshi go. “It was real embarrassing to spell that guys name wrong but we couldn’t even spell his first name right. I guess our inability to proofread and research kind of caught up to us,” said a member of the HnH marketing team. “We almost had a deal with local band, Doc Walker, but someone on our team kept calling them Dog Walkers during our meeting until they kicked us out.” CBC’s second choice ran into trouble when painters realized they could not fit George Stroumboulopoulos’ name on the landmark. CBC was hit up for yet another alternative. After much deliberation they settled on Peter Mansbridge. Painting crews unfortunately misspelled Mansbridge to Mansridge, and out of frustration, painted Peter on the can. “It’s great! We have the biggest Peter and the World’s largest Coke can”, said anonymous HnH sources. “We think at least twice as many people will stop to take pictures now making it a real win, win, win!” The naming rights deal is reported to be in the tens if not dozens of dollars range and will enhance the can’s role as a tourism magnet proving, yet again, Portage is the city of possibilities. Notice to readers: Please be advised that while Portage la Prairie is a real place, the content of this and other stories on this website are based on fiction and the imagination of childish humans. Some events, people and places may resemble reality but the fact remains the information is unreliable, lacking in credibility and truth. Some of this may seem real to some readers but more reasonable people will pick up on the humour and satire. Consumption of this and other stories may cause dizziness, dry mouth, facial blemishes, hives, and thin hair. 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And yes, objects are larger than they appear in mirrors – unless the mirrors cause magnification in which case the object would be smaller in reality. Please consult a physician before working out. Call your mom. Stop picking at it. If it bleeds it leads. 3 Responses Karen Gross August 16, 2014 Seriously! I can’t picture Peter Mansbridge ever drinking Coke. Why would we ignore our own Shane Neufeld, who has starred in a bunch of HnH videos, and I think he did something with commercials on that TV station that used to be here, plus I’m pretty sure he either owns or manages or at least has something to do with Tim Horton’s. He’s like almost a celebrity among the people who have heard of him. Reply Shane Neufeld August 19, 2014 We thought about doing that Karen but I couldn’t even spell my own name right. Reply Jonathan Davis August 29, 2014 Why didn’t I find the Hoop and Hollar sooner?! I feel a void in my life has finally been filled – thank you! Obviously being an escaped Portage native, coming back to the fold now and again ain’t a bad thing. Reply Leave a Reply Cancel ReplyYour email address will not be published.CommentName* Email* Website Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Notify me of new posts by email.