Hockey Team Gives Into Pressure to Change Its Name

The Team can continue wearing the logo until a new one is chosen, BUT it MUST be crossed-out as shown above.

Portage la Prairie, MB – While the Portage Terriers are hunting for another championship they will have to go looking for a new name soon.

After a recent vote of the board of directors, the Terriers hockey club accepted the fact the historic and iconic name had no place in today’s world of political correctness and animal fairness.

With increasing lobbying pressure from P.E.D.A., People for the Ethical Description of Animals, to rid professional and amateur sport of references to animals the team decided to avoid a potential lengthy and expensive legal battle and promised to change the name.

” This is a fan favorites so far” Said Corney Reimer the teams marketing rep. ” We want to represent the local economy…it is a win/win”

“We feel the aggressive and sometimes violent nature of hockey combined with its militaristic and combative characteristic should never be associated to that of an animal which is most often a family pet,” P.E.D.A. spokesperson Bernie Hyman said.  “The use of the name terrier is particularly egregious, we have been battling the negative stereotypes attributed to the pit bull terrier breed.  This town should be embarrassed to be part of the continued victimization of this breed.”

While many fans have been quietly confused for decades as to why their local hockey wore jerseys sporting the logo of a small, yappy canine, news of the name change came as a shock.

“I never liked lap dogs but I stilled cheered for the Terriers,” Portage la Prairian Fred Sanders said.  “I don’t know what it will be like going to games and not singing ‘who let the dogs out?’ or barking after the announcer welcomes us to the dog pound.”

P.E.D.A. representatives have gone as far as asking for City Council to ban all references to animals and the term “animal” when it comes to the local sports scene.  “At no time should people engaged in sports be called animals,” Hyman said.  “Animals would never choose to participate in competitive and crude activities like sport so their names should be left out of it.”

To help ease fans into the new moniker the team will be having a “name the team” contest and will be letting fans pick the new name from the following list of non-animal related names.  All the suggestions are a salute to the many things that make Portage la Prairie great and unique.

  • Plappers

    “I can hear chants of Ketchup, Ketchup…” Says newly appointed team marketing guru Corney Reimer when he introduced the new logos yesterday.

  • Wind
  • Air Force
  • Republicans
  • Stink
  • Potatoes
  • Farmers
  • Crescent Lakers
  • La Prairians
  • Cuppers
  • Joe-Joes
  • Pissers
  • Dikes
  • Flood
  • Spillers
  • Mallers
  • Fries

“We don’t care what they call the team as long as they leave animals out of their barbaric sport culture.  Animals are peace-loving, non-violent beings and should never be associated with the negative behaviour of humans,” Hyman said.

The new name and logo will be selected in time for next season.

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About The Author

Joe King

Joe King will be responsible for guiding and directing the new editorial focus of the Hoop and Holler. It will be his job to ensure each and every HnH story gets as many views, shares and clicks as possible. Joe has a background in media having worked Master Control for the Manitoba Television Network in Portage la Prairie until the station changed its' name to A-Channel and then had its Portage operation suspended while the company changed hands over and over. Since leaving MTN Joe has worked as a farm labourer, church planter, car detailer and in retail before landing the Editor job at HnH. He is an above average reader and has always watched a disproportional amount of television. Reality shows and crime dramas are his favourites. Joe has a sharp, sarcastic wit and an affection for bathroom humour. His favourite TV shows are America’s Funniest Videos and Ellen and he is fond of Christmas.

One Response

  1. Jimmy Slaiter

    Hockey narrative obnoxious.

    Hockey in Canada is the opiate of the masses.

    Stop chanting “go jets go”. Encantations of the antichrist.


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