HomeAll StoriesHockey Team Gives Into Pressure to Change Its Name Joe King April 16, 2016 All Stories, Anyways..., As if..., Not Even, Sports 1 Comment The Team can continue wearing the logo until a new one is chosen, BUT it MUST be crossed-out as shown above. Portage la Prairie, MB – While the Portage Terriers are hunting for another championship they will have to go looking for a new name soon. After a recent vote of the board of directors, the Terriers hockey club accepted the fact the historic and iconic name had no place in today’s world of political correctness and animal fairness. With increasing lobbying pressure from P.E.D.A., People for the Ethical Description of Animals, to rid professional and amateur sport of references to animals the team decided to avoid a potential lengthy and expensive legal battle and promised to change the name. ” This is a fan favorites so far” Said Corney Reimer the teams marketing rep. ” We want to represent the local economy…it is a win/win” “We feel the aggressive and sometimes violent nature of hockey combined with its militaristic and combative characteristic should never be associated to that of an animal which is most often a family pet,” P.E.D.A. spokesperson Bernie Hyman said. “The use of the name terrier is particularly egregious, we have been battling the negative stereotypes attributed to the pit bull terrier breed. This town should be embarrassed to be part of the continued victimization of this breed.” While many fans have been quietly confused for decades as to why their local hockey wore jerseys sporting the logo of a small, yappy canine, news of the name change came as a shock. “I never liked lap dogs but I stilled cheered for the Terriers,” Portage la Prairian Fred Sanders said. “I don’t know what it will be like going to games and not singing ‘who let the dogs out?’ or barking after the announcer welcomes us to the dog pound.” P.E.D.A. representatives have gone as far as asking for City Council to ban all references to animals and the term “animal” when it comes to the local sports scene. “At no time should people engaged in sports be called animals,” Hyman said. “Animals would never choose to participate in competitive and crude activities like sport so their names should be left out of it.” To help ease fans into the new moniker the team will be having a “name the team” contest and will be letting fans pick the new name from the following list of non-animal related names. All the suggestions are a salute to the many things that make Portage la Prairie great and unique. Plappers “I can hear chants of Ketchup, Ketchup…” Says newly appointed team marketing guru Corney Reimer when he introduced the new logos yesterday. Wind Air Force Republicans Stink Potatoes Farmers Crescent Lakers La Prairians Cuppers Joe-Joes Pissers Dikes Flood Spillers Mallers Fries “We don’t care what they call the team as long as they leave animals out of their barbaric sport culture. Animals are peace-loving, non-violent beings and should never be associated with the negative behaviour of humans,” Hyman said. The new name and logo will be selected in time for next season. Notice to readers: Please be advised that while Portage la Prairie is a real place, the content of this and other stories on this website are based on fiction and the imagination of humans. Some events, people and places may resemble reality but the fact remains the information is unreliable, lacking in credibility and truth. Some of this may seem real to some readers but more reasonable people will pick up on the humour and satire. Consumption of this and other stories may cause dizziness, dry mouth, facial blemishes, hives, and thin hair. Should you experience an erection lasting more than four hours please seek medical treatment. This corporation assumes no responsibility for your grasp on reality, ability to tolerate sarcasm, humour and mocking comments. In addition they assume no responsibility for any resulting effects from digesting the content in this and other posts relating to but not limited to the aforementioned website and ancillary media products and modes of transportation. Please read and discuss at your own risk and with great caution. Should you feel nauseous at any point while reading this content please glance away from the screen or leave the website, social media or print page and the feeling should pass. This offer is not valid with any other offer and carries no cash or other value not to mention merit. Drive safe and drink responsibly, always consume in moderation. We like oatmeal and beans. Never open your doors to strangers with weapons or offer rides to same. Please no parking without a permit. And yes, objects are larger than they appear in mirrors – unless the mirrors cause magnification in which case the object would be smaller in reality. Please consult a physician before working out. Call your mom. Pray for Portage. One Response Jimmy Slaiter May 19, 2017 Hockey narrative obnoxious. Hockey in Canada is the opiate of the masses. Stop chanting “go jets go”. Encantations of the antichrist. 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