Grandma Forces Citizens To Eat – Saves City Millions Staff December 11, 2016 All Stories, Anyways..., As if..., Farm Life, Not Even, People Portage la Prairie, MB – The need for curbside composting will be eliminated if a local grandmother has her plan turned into law. Anne Teak made a pitch to City Hall for her common sense approach after learning the city was looking at spending hundreds of thousands of dollars to keep food waste out of the landfill. “Eat your damn food,” Anne Teak offered as a name for her new program. “What the hell is wrong with people? Waste not, want not is what we were taught. Teak’s simplistic plan proposes people be made to eat things like leftovers, ensure food is eaten before spoiling and soup be made from soggy veggies from the crisper. “I hardly throw anything out. I make my husband, kids and grandkids finish their meals. If it hits your plate you don’t leave the table until it’s down your throat. We don’t throw food out. I’ll freeze leftovers and make soup several times a week if I have to.” With ongoing budget challenges, City Hall is looking at how they can turn Anne Teak’s suggestion into law. “We think there is a way of avoiding having to pick up people’s household compost and making a buck or two extra, “ City spokesperson, Ed Zachary said. Initially, the city will work to encourage people to finish their food through an extensive, and likely ineffective, communications plan. After that, they will employ by-law enforcement officers to fine households who don’t finish their meals or are caught throwing out food that could be eaten, frozen or made into soup. By-law 69A will be put to council vote at their next meeting and could become law by month’s end. Mrs. Teak is also pioneering a program on reducing the amount of plastic containers entering the waste and recycling streams. “I have 30 years worth of margarine, yogurt and ice cream containers piled up in my basement. They come in handy. Everybody should keep them because it’s such a waste throwing them out.” Notice to readers: Please be advised that while Portage la Prairie is a real place, the content of this and other stories on this website are based on fiction and the imagination of childish humans. Some events, people and places may resemble reality but the fact remains the information is unreliable, lacking in credibility and truth. Some of this may seem real to some readers but more reasonable people will pick up on the humour and satire. Consumption of this and other stories may cause dizziness, dry mouth, facial blemishes, hives, and thin hair. Should you experience an erection lasting more than four hours please seek medical treatment. This corporation assumes no responsibility for your grasp on reality, ability to tolerate sarcasm, humour and mocking comments. In addition they assume no responsibility for any resulting effects from digesting the content in this and other posts relating to but not limited to the aforementioned website and ancillary media products and modes of transportation. Please read and discuss at your own risk and with great caution. Should you feel nauseous at any point while reading this content please glance away from the screen or leave the website, social media or print page and the feeling should pass. This offer is not valid with any other offer and carries no cash or other value not to mention merit. Drive safe and drink responsibly, always consume in moderation. We like cats and dogs. Never open your doors to strangers with weapons or offer rides to same. Please no parking without a permit. And yes, objects are larger than they appear in mirrors – unless the mirrors cause magnification in which case the object would be smaller in reality. Please consult a physician before working out. Call your mom. Stop picking at it. If it bleeds it leads. Leave a Reply Cancel Reply Your email address will not be published.CommentName* Email* Website Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Notify me of new posts by email.