"I barely finished painting the signs and there was a line up" said Rick Butkus the new Restroom attendant/maintenance man. "This facility alone should wipe out "prairie doggin" in Portage la Praire"

“I barely finished painting the signs and there was a line up” said Rick Butkus the new Restroom attendant/maintenance man. “This facility alone should wipe out “prairie doggin” in Portage la Praire”

Portage la Prairie, MB – The world’s largest Coke can will soon become the world’s largest can as Portage tries to boost tourism.

Tourism for PLAP is making a pitch to make it more attractive for travellers to plop in Portage by renovating the old water tower Coke can into a palatial roadside washroom.

“We want to treat tourists to the best pee break possible,” Tourism for PLAP spokesperson, Antonio Sharts-Bunso said.  “We want to make the can, a can, so it’s not just another road side attraction.”

Portage la Prairie has been known for years as a piss stop between Winnipeg and Brandon and now it has a chance to become known as the premiere bathroom stop on the Trans Canada Hwy.

With multi-level toilet bidets for men and women, nursing stations, high-tech change tables, Dyson hand driers and heated marble floors the new traveller’s relief station will set a new standard in roadside restrooms.  Reclining, vibrating, leather recliners, warm blankets and towels will make visitor’s stay relaxing and memorable and on-site attendants will work around the clock to ensure cleanliness and that the WiFi is working.

“With all these features we believe tourists will drive by Brandon and Winnipeg and hold it until they get to Portage.  There will be no finer piss stop in the land.  It’ll really put us on the potty map,” Sharts-Bunso said.

“I can’t wait to take a dump there, “Bernie Trotz of Dauphin said.  “In the past I’d wait ‘til I got to Winnipeg to go but now I’ll stop in Portage to poop.”

When asked about the increased demand put on our waste water treatment facility a representative from the city offered, “Shouldn’t be a problem.  The smell of the treatment plant will just remind people to pull into town to do their business.  Local businesses will love it.”

The new slogan “You gotta go to the can @ the Can” will be used as Portage’s new tourism and marketing tag line and will be seen on souvenirs and memorabilia.  The new facility hopes to be ready in the coming months.

 

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About The Author

Neil Downs

Is a reporter, music-lover, whistle-blower and handy-man? He is a life-long Portage la Prairian and comes to the Hoop and Holler after working at a local potato processor. Neil has been writing at night, in the dark, for over 30 years and has yet to have one word published.

We fell in love with Neil’s unique insights on local news and issues. Years of working in a factory setting has allowed him to refine his perspective and explore his conspiracy theories fully. He’ll be a welcome addition to our expanding editorial team. Neil has no friends or family left in the Portage area and feels increasingly isolated so let’s make sure to pass on a warm HnH welcome to him.

Now that Neil is writing for a living he will be wasting his free time writing Hollywood screenplays and fantasizing about becoming a successful playwright and winning the lottery. This combined with his natural paranoid state will fuel his general dissatisfaction and frustration with life causing him to withdraw from normal society completely. This will serve the HnH well as he will devote the rest of his days to covering the stories that matter the most to Portage la Prairie.

2 Responses

  1. Herman Rarebell

    The Hoop and Holler is king shit of turd island. You are the best or the worst Portage websites. Somewhere between The Globe & Mail and ChrisD.ca.

    Reply

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