“I barely finished painting the signs and there was a line up” said Rick Butkus the new Restroom attendant/maintenance man. “This facility alone should wipe out “prairie doggin” in Portage la Praire” Portage la Prairie, MB – The world’s largest Coke can will soon become the world’s largest can as Portage tries to boost tourism. Tourism for PLAP is making a pitch to make it more attractive for travellers to plop in Portage by renovating the old water tower Coke can into a palatial roadside washroom. “We want to treat tourists to the best pee break possible,” Tourism for PLAP spokesperson, Antonio Sharts-Bunso said. “We want to make the can, a can, so it’s not just another road side attraction.” Portage la Prairie has been known for years as a piss stop between Winnipeg and Brandon and now it has a chance to become known as the premiere bathroom stop on the Trans Canada Hwy. With multi-level toilet bidets for men and women, nursing stations, high-tech change tables, Dyson hand driers and heated marble floors the new traveller’s relief station will set a new standard in roadside restrooms. Reclining, vibrating, leather recliners, warm blankets and towels will make visitor’s stay relaxing and memorable and on-site attendants will work around the clock to ensure cleanliness and that the WiFi is working. “With all these features we believe tourists will drive by Brandon and Winnipeg and hold it until they get to Portage. There will be no finer piss stop in the land. It’ll really put us on the potty map,” Sharts-Bunso said. “I can’t wait to take a dump there, “Bernie Trotz of Dauphin said. “In the past I’d wait ‘til I got to Winnipeg to go but now I’ll stop in Portage to poop.” When asked about the increased demand put on our waste water treatment facility a representative from the city offered, “Shouldn’t be a problem. The smell of the treatment plant will just remind people to pull into town to do their business. Local businesses will love it.” The new slogan “You gotta go to the can @ the Can” will be used as Portage’s new tourism and marketing tag line and will be seen on souvenirs and memorabilia. The new facility hopes to be ready in the coming months. Notice to readers: Please be advised that while Portage la Prairie is a real place, the content of this and other stories on this website are based on fiction and the imagination of humans. Some events, people and places may resemble reality but the fact remains the information is unreliable, lacking in credibility and truth. Some of this may seem real to some readers but more reasonable people will pick up on the humour and satire. Consumption of this and other stories may cause dizziness, dry mouth, facial blemishes, hives, and thin hair. Should you experience an erection lasting more than four hours please seek medical treatment. This corporation assumes no responsibility for your grasp on reality, ability to tolerate sarcasm, humour and mocking comments. In addition they assume no responsibility for any resulting effects from digesting the content in this and other posts relating to but not limited to the aforementioned website and ancillary media products and modes of transportation. Please read and discuss at your own risk and with great caution. Should you feel nauseous at any point while reading this content please glance away from the screen or leave the website, social media or print page and the feeling should pass. This offer is not valid with any other offer and carries no cash or other value not to mention merit. Drive safe and drink responsibly, always consume in moderation. We like oatmeal and beans. Never open your doors to strangers with weapons or offer rides to same. Please no parking without a permit. And yes, objects are larger than they appear in mirrors – unless the mirrors cause magnification in which case the object would be smaller in reality. Please consult a physician before working out. Call your mom. 2 Responses Herman Rarebell March 26, 2016 The Hoop and Holler is king shit of turd island. You are the best or the worst Portage websites. Somewhere between The Globe & Mail and ChrisD.ca. Reply Leave a Reply Cancel ReplyYour email address will not be published.CommentName* Email* Website Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Notify me of new posts by email.