Christmas Crime Wave Strikes Portage Staff December 25, 2016 All Stories, Anyways..., As if..., Events, nature, Not Even, Stories Portage la Prairie, MB – A series of break and enters were reported across Portage last night, all with a chilling similarity that points to the work of one person. Many homes reported damage to rooftops, yards and chimneys after reports of a large white male with grey hair and beard wearing a red jacket and pants going around last night entering into people’s homes while they were asleep. One Portage la Prairian who witnessed the perpetrator was out in his yard with his cat Rufus at 2:00am when he saw the vandal. “I was just out taking my cat out for a dump so he doesn’t get constipated again,” said Billy Neepawa. “There was this a__hole on my neighbours roof with a bunch of reindeer so I yelled at him and he took off.” Unfortunately for Neepawa’s neighbours, Bob and Susan Morden and their children, the suspect had already entered the home creating damage inside and out. “I woke up to Billy screaming,” said Susan Morden. “I looked out the window to see the reindeer fly away. As they took off they crapped all over my roof and yard. Now I have to clean up reindeer sh__ on Christmas Day.” The man and his animals left Portage la Prairians with damaged shingles, roofs and lawns covered in animal feces. Inside there are reports of cookies, milk and other snacks being raided and messes being left behind. Many have also claimed chimneys have been tampered with and there are many emergency calls into local plumbing and heating companies for repairs. Many are without heat during this cold weather. “This clown needs to be stopped,” said Bob Morden. “He left behind some gifts for the kids but it doesn’t come close to making up for the damage. I can buy my kids their own presents and how are we supposed to stay warm?” Another victim, Holly Snow, had deeper concerns. “What kind of a creep sneaks into your house at night to watch your kids sleeping? The police need to catch him before this goes too far.” Local police have been collecting evidence from multiple scenes and the major crimes unit from Winnipeg is assisting. So far grey hair and dandruff are being submitted for DNA testing but no finger prints have been found as the suspect is thought to have been wearing gloves. This story will be updated as more information becomes available. Notice to readers: Please be advised that the above article and others on this website are without merit when it comes to being real. That means it and they are not real. It and they are works of fiction. Fiction implies, but is not limited to, they are made up and are not real stories and any resemblance to real events, people and their goings on is coincidental. Now, please note Portage la Prairie is a real place and humans, animals and some of the goings on of said things are real these works are still of fiction created from the minds of sometimes troubled people known more commonly as writers. Writers of such material are creating the unreal from the real. Let the onus be on the reader and consumer of the material on this site to be fully and completely aware of the responsibilities that come with reading the above said material. As a reader of same you are obligated to embrace the opus as humorous, satirical, weird, unusual, quirky, offbeat but not as reality. When sharing electronically, orally or via physical gestures please do so only after reading the piece in its entirety along with the accompanying notice to reader. Never share with any malice or misgivings. Don’t mislead people into thinking this is anything but a work of fiction. This contest has no cash value, is void were prohibited by law and is affront to common sense and decency. Help your neighbour. Be kind to each other and wipe thoroughly before leaving washroom. Always wash your hands. Leave a Reply Cancel Reply Your email address will not be published.CommentName* Email* Website Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Notify me of new posts by email.