14 Reasons to Hold Your Christmas Gathering @ Walmart

Portage la Prairie people are practical and frugal so we have come up with some good reasons to hold your Christmas family gathering at Walmart this year to save you and your kin time and money.  After all, isn’t that what the holidays are all about, time and money?

In our town Walmart has replaced the mall as the primary shopping destination and is often affectionately referred to as “The Mall” or as we prefer “Mall-mart”.  It is where you’ll meet friends and family you haven’t seen all year so it’s not much of a stretch to believe it could provide a great option for your next family Christmas gathering for the following reasons.

  1. Walmart has 2.2 million employees world-wide so there is a good chance a family member or friend works there.  They can set you up with wet floor signs to help keep shoppers out of your party and distract nosey managers.  If you have several family members working there it will allow them to join you while still earning close to minimum wage.

  2. You’ll minimize winter travel.  90% of all Canadians live within 15 minutes of a Walmart and your family is likely going there anyway – this will save them a trip.

  3. Each week Walmart serves more than 200 million customers.  They won’t even notice a conspicuously large group of similar looking people in Christmas sweaters gathered in the seasonal section.

  4. The Walmart greeter is nicer than most of your family.

  5. Which brings us to number 4.  Your gathering is sure to be festive with Walmart’s awesome decorations.

  6. They have great bathroom facilities – no more waiting for Uncle George to finish his business and you won’t have to clean up when he’s done.

  7. No fighting siblings or cousins.  Walmart is perfect for an epic game of hide and seek.  And no one will fight over what to watch – just pick a tv and enjoy the show (popcorn poppers aisle 2, popcorn aisle 25).

  8. No wasted time decorating as the holiday section comes pre-decorated.

  9. Gift giving is easy and returns are the easiest they’ve ever been.

  10. Don’t have to run out to last-minute shop.  Forgot your favourite game or need a pre-cooked ham, don’t worry, Walmart has it.

  11. No worrying about senile family members who wander off with the great in-store paging system.

  12. Carrying all your gifts can be a challenge but at Walmart you can always use a sporty blue cart for your holiday haul.

  13. A family meal of MacDonald’s chicken products is quicker, cheaper and easier than turkey and the clean up takes no time at all.

  14. You won’t have to clean up anything as long as you get out of the store by 9pm.

A special holiday shout out to the Cuttings of Portage for the inspiration for this story.

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